Alec

[ihateflying]

That first mission, when he'd chosen Alec almost on impulse, based on bare glimmers of ... an independence and kind of intelligence that set him apart, turned into more. Every time he was given an assignment that didn't involve an entire blasted army, he chose Alec - and chose him with increasing deliberateness.

The mission to Upatu to bring in Grievous did involve an entire battalion, but it also called for exactly one Jedi to go in alone, to find the separatist leader before ships landed or troops deployed.

So, he went in alone, he found and engaged Grievous. When the absolute swarms of droids were deployed and Grievous realized that - again - running away was the best option, ships descended and boots his the ground.

He felt them all as individual lives, but he was most aware of Cody... and Alec.

He stayed on Grievous, trusting the Clones to handle the droid army, and keep them off his back so he could do his job. It wasn't anything all that unusual up to that point. A lot of dodging, some near misses, a chase, and a brutal hand to ...cyborg fight that ended with him using a blaster of all things to finish Grievous off.

He made it back to the battle arena, gave Cody instructions to move the troops to the higher levels and had his fallen light-saber returned to him by Cody. It was all... perfectly normal.

Until it wasn't.

Until part way up the steep rock wall he became the target.

Of his own men.

There was no malice or ill intention to warn him. Just suddenly at the center of a hornet swarm of fire. He had just about enough time to register that his men were shooting at him before the rock ledge he was on was hit.


He fell, slamming hard into the edge of the cliff face on his way down.

That alone would have knocked him unconscious, but the feeling of other Jedi deaths across the galaxy tearing through his mind pushed him even deeper into unconsciousness.

He hit water, a small opening of an underground river by luck -

Which, really, ultimately, only meant that he was going to drown, since he was deeply unconscious.

Comments

[kissthatgoodbye]

He doesn't startle at the touch like he once might have, but instead slits his eyes open to look at Obi-Wan's hand now where he can see it. He doesn't remember closing his eyes at all, but he opens them further now, considers twisting to see his face.

"Are you going somewhere?" is what he wants to know before he answers.

[ihateflying]

That is a damn good question and difficult to answer, and it shouldn't be.

"Not physically," he says, after a moment, "but I won't be particularly responsive, either."

He can push this further, if he needs to. If he has to, he will.

But he wants to be able to help Alec enough for them to be able to get the hell out of here, and he has to help himself to do that first.

[kissthatgoodbye]

Force things, he thinks, and can't help a bit of vague dismay. He's still not sure what will give them away but more than that -

"When - how will I know if something goes wrong?" What can he even do?

[ihateflying]

Force things. He's sorry, Alec, really he is. He's efficient and practical but he is still Jedi.

"I can't do anything about the ... less physical damage." Possibly ever, but it should even out with time. "But I can do something about the head injury and that should help me be able to have the focus to do something about your injury. There is very little risk of anything worse than me falling asleep happening." Barring them being interrupted, that is. "My breathing and pulse will slow, but if they become irregular it shouldn't take more than a firm shake or shout to rouse me."

[kissthatgoodbye]

"And if it does?"

Alec is not typically given to doubt or concern like this, but the fact of the matter is he doesn't have any other recourse at this particular moment in time.

[ihateflying]

"If you can't rouse me, then I'm already dying and there's nothing we can do about it, anyway."

That... worries him, but not for him. It leaves him worried about Alec.

"In that case, get out of here by any means necessary and contact Bail Organa. He will help you."

[kissthatgoodbye]

Alec does not believe that even a little, even for a moment. Part of it is how mired he still is in blaming himself for a traitor, how no clone believes that there is any sanctuary for them anywhere if they break ranks, but part of it too is the magnitude of the shift that happened today. It's just that there's nothing he can do about it except accept it and move on. Do his best to move on.

He doesn't want to. He doesn't know if that matters less or more now than it did before, but either way, he's already decided to trust Obi-Wan once. He stares ahead at the wall and breathes out.

"I'll be okay." Do what you have to do.

[ihateflying]

Believe it or not, but he has very few people he trusts himself right now. Alec is one. Bail is two. Any Jedi who managed to survive somewhere beneath those two at the moment.

He feels that breathe out and then, honestly, has no choice. He does do what he has to. It's who he is.

He finds and squeezes Alec's hand once and then is effectively gone.

There's no drama, but his eyes close, his breathing slows down, his pulse drops, but that's it. Just... deeply turned inward and focused. Doing the best he can with what he has, and splitting that down so he can make the most use of it.

[kissthatgoodbye]

It's a gesture that surprises Alec, who has only had cause to think of himself - has only been thought of - in one specific role his entire life. No one holds a soldier's hand. A soldier's hands are for fighting, must be kept free, must be filled with weapons or controls or they are useless. Hands are for staunching bleeding or pulling a comrade to safety. Hands are for tools and repairs.

He tells himself, while he waits and keeps watch and does not move and does not let his breathing stray out of the last pattern that Obi-Wan guided him through, that he keeps the Jedi's hand because he needs to monitor his pulse. He does not remind himself that there's no pulse to be found there, like this, but that's okay. It's only a half hour.

Sometime during that time, he stops shivering. Sometime during that time, he stares at what little light he can see filtering in from somewhere and decides what time of day it is. It'll matter when Obi-Wan wakes up. When, not if, which is why Alec keeps watch and carefully counts the passing moments.

[ihateflying]

He was dimly surprised to find Alec still holding his hand when he began to come around, and that was followed by noticing the smell of wet rock, and the sound of the river beside them.

It was pretty rapid all told, ending right around a half hour.

He squeezed Alec's hand again. "Better." He was, he meant. Not good, but better. "Now, may I take care of you, please?"

[kissthatgoodbye]

Alec is feeling steady enough by then to twist to look at him, which necessitates letting go of his hand. Besides, he's awake now, and -

And.

He searches Obi-Wan's face quickly but intently to verify what he said for himself, and does not really register the question.

"What did you do?" he asks instead.

[ihateflying]

"Force stuff." His tone is dry, but it's dry with amusement. Alec is not a typical clone but most of the population seems to be uncomfortable with Jedi and the hard to see, and harder to understand abilities. That applies to soldiers of all stripes. "I siphoned energy from the Force and used it to speed the healing in my head. The way I would use it to push a rock or call my saber to me, only on a much smaller scale."

[kissthatgoodbye]

Alec has seen the Jedi do a number of impossible, impressive feats, some of which he has reason to suspect have been calculated specifically to keep non-Force users off balance and uncertain. And no, he hadn't been very comfortable with it at the time, but really by this point he's not even bothering with discomfort. He hears Force and healing and can see for himself that Obi-Wan looks at least a little steadier, and he nods.

"And how does that apply to me?"

[ihateflying]

"Because now that I am no longer fighting my concussion." Skull fracture, whatever, "I can do the same for you."

It's direct as he can be, really, given that nothing about the Force is truly simple.

[kissthatgoodbye]

At another time, this is something Alec would slip sideways but obediently out of by pointing out he doesn't have a concussion. He would do it for a myriad of reasons, not the least of which is that while it's important to accurately report injuries so they can be addressed, anything that has a chance of healing itself undetected are often best left undetected.

In this case, though, it's more that he thinks neither of them should be doing much besides sleeping just now, if they're not going to move.

"Sir," is what he goes with, noncommittal, dubious.

[ihateflying]

He really doesn't know what to do with that response right now and finds himself blinking at the back of Alec's head.

Maybe they should just sleep.

Maybe they should not.

Maybe Alec should use more than one word.

"Alec?"

[kissthatgoodbye]

He considers, for a moment, playing dumb. He's been playing dumb his whole life in one way or another, except when it came to test scores, to rankings. That's different, though.

This is different, and he could pretend not to know what he's being asked, but he does.

"We both know you can force the issue if you wanted to," he offers, low. "Nothing I could really do to stop you. I just don't think you should be wasting energy right now ignoring me when I say I can keep."

[ihateflying]

He is almost tempted to accept Alec saying he can keep just to get out of having to explain anything.

...No, he is tempted. He just is almost tempted enough to actually do it.

"Alec...."

He does not want to do this.

"I'm not being sentimental, or noble or making an ethical stance, though the stance would be ethical. I have... very limited force ability at the moment. The best way I can use what I have is to make sure you are as fit as possible, because I am going to be close to useless, beyond the rare act of desperation that I will pay for."

[kissthatgoodbye]

Alec is not being sentimental, not really; he's working in terms of logic, and past experience with Obi-Wan in particular, and doing his best to allow for the bias of conditioning. It's possible he's not allowing enough in the end, but he's trying, and it makes sense to him anyway.

Another thing he knows from past experience: he doesn't understand the Force and how it works at all.

"Why?" he wants to know, then, still looking straight ahead.

[ihateflying]

"Because ten thousand Jedi just died screaming inside my mind. If it makes it easier for you to understand, consider me brain damaged. The right kind of brain scan would prove that out, anyway."

He hates this. Has he mentioned this.

"Enough desperation and I can push through it, but it is ... running on a broken leg with the help of adrenaline."

He needs Alec in a way he really hasn't before.

[kissthatgoodbye]

It's a situation that Alec is presently very well equipped to understand, as it were. As a clone he's more or less desensitized to the death of his brothers and has been almost since becoming aware of their existence at all. They are, after all, created specifically to die, and their lives have been filled with plenty of opportunities to do just that. Obi-Wan lost ten thousand of the people he was closest connected to in the world. Alec has lost ten hundred thousand in his life span alone, although they were not connected mind to mind.

No, that waited for today, when he lost the rest of them. Even being something of a pariah, to him they were the closest thing he has ever had and will ever have to family. And the still ringing, shredding ache of pushing back against the chip the way he did today, of rebelling in such a spectacularly bold way against such a clandestine order is not the same as what Obi-Wan is describing now, but it's probably the closest Alec will ever come.

He has to be better. He has to be solid. He says, "I'm sorry," and "I won't question you again."

[ihateflying]

He knows.

He knows and a large part of why he hadn't wanted to have this discussion. The rest was simply being loath to admitting that he needs Alec, rather than simply wanted his help. Some pride, some part scraping against his ethics in not treating his soldiers like equipment.

He's not, but it doesn't feel entirely different, anyway.

"If I didn't like being questioned, I wouldn't like you. Let's just do this, try to sleep for a bit and then get out of here."

[kissthatgoodbye]

I know, Alec thinks, something he's not ready to admit to aloud yet. Something he's not yet willing to dare: I was lying anyway. Not intentionally just now, just here, on just this subject, to just this man, but he knows that's what he was doing anyway as soon as he thinks of it.

He'll question again. If he can no longer be a soldier, then there is no safety in obedience, no shield in compliance. Not anymore.

But that's for another time. Now he shifts, carefully, until he can twist to see Obi-Wan's face when he repeats, firmly, "I'm sorry." Because he is. A lot of terrible things happened today. To them both. He means it.

And: "What do I need to do?"

[ihateflying]

He dredges up a weary smile when Alec turns to look at him, as much for the fact that Alec has twisted around to look at him as the apology.

In truth, probably more.

"You don't need to do anything at all, only be prepared. It will feel warm, it may be generally uncomfortable or itchy. It shouldn't be painful. Feel free to fall asleep; I won't be insulted." That last part is a bit of a joke.

He'd tell Alec to relax, but even after working together, even now, he can't even imagine Alec relaxed. So, he doesn't bother.

He brushes his fingers over Alec's hand, so he can get some direct contact which will make it easier, takes a breath and closes his eyes. Once he has acknowledgement, he'll do it.

[kissthatgoodbye]

It would have been a waste of breath just now, it's true. As it stands Alec doesn't think generally uncomfortable or itchy sounds like it's even worth mentioning but he does nod and turn back around so he can settle.

His eyes drop down to the touch on his hand and he breathes out, nods. "I won't fall asleep," he promises, because he always does.