Alec

[ihateflying]

That first mission, when he'd chosen Alec almost on impulse, based on bare glimmers of ... an independence and kind of intelligence that set him apart, turned into more. Every time he was given an assignment that didn't involve an entire blasted army, he chose Alec - and chose him with increasing deliberateness.

The mission to Upatu to bring in Grievous did involve an entire battalion, but it also called for exactly one Jedi to go in alone, to find the separatist leader before ships landed or troops deployed.

So, he went in alone, he found and engaged Grievous. When the absolute swarms of droids were deployed and Grievous realized that - again - running away was the best option, ships descended and boots his the ground.

He felt them all as individual lives, but he was most aware of Cody... and Alec.

He stayed on Grievous, trusting the Clones to handle the droid army, and keep them off his back so he could do his job. It wasn't anything all that unusual up to that point. A lot of dodging, some near misses, a chase, and a brutal hand to ...cyborg fight that ended with him using a blaster of all things to finish Grievous off.

He made it back to the battle arena, gave Cody instructions to move the troops to the higher levels and had his fallen light-saber returned to him by Cody. It was all... perfectly normal.

Until it wasn't.

Until part way up the steep rock wall he became the target.

Of his own men.

There was no malice or ill intention to warn him. Just suddenly at the center of a hornet swarm of fire. He had just about enough time to register that his men were shooting at him before the rock ledge he was on was hit.


He fell, slamming hard into the edge of the cliff face on his way down.

That alone would have knocked him unconscious, but the feeling of other Jedi deaths across the galaxy tearing through his mind pushed him even deeper into unconsciousness.

He hit water, a small opening of an underground river by luck -

Which, really, ultimately, only meant that he was going to drown, since he was deeply unconscious.

Comments

[ihateflying]

He dredges up a weary smile when Alec turns to look at him, as much for the fact that Alec has twisted around to look at him as the apology.

In truth, probably more.

"You don't need to do anything at all, only be prepared. It will feel warm, it may be generally uncomfortable or itchy. It shouldn't be painful. Feel free to fall asleep; I won't be insulted." That last part is a bit of a joke.

He'd tell Alec to relax, but even after working together, even now, he can't even imagine Alec relaxed. So, he doesn't bother.

He brushes his fingers over Alec's hand, so he can get some direct contact which will make it easier, takes a breath and closes his eyes. Once he has acknowledgement, he'll do it.

[kissthatgoodbye]

It would have been a waste of breath just now, it's true. As it stands Alec doesn't think generally uncomfortable or itchy sounds like it's even worth mentioning but he does nod and turn back around so he can settle.

His eyes drop down to the touch on his hand and he breathes out, nods. "I won't fall asleep," he promises, because he always does.

[ihateflying]

You are a person, Alec, and he's doing things to your body. Consent and expectations matter, even if it's for healing purposes.

He closes his own eyes, drops his head so his chin is against his chest and then - well, he doesn't lose awareness around them for the sake of internal focus this time, not really, because most of the process is urging Alec's body along through a process similar to what he'd done on himself.

Just slower and more painstaking because it isn't him.

It does not, however, take forever. Just... more like an hour than thirty minutes.

[kissthatgoodbye]

What is consent and how does it work, he's never heard of it before.

Alec does not fall asleep - he rarely does, and never when he's promised that he won't - although mostly it's because he's braced for whatever it is that might happen to him. He does feel strange, but this isn't the first time for that; he has no way of knowing that his genetic structure responds particularly well to the Force being used on it, nor a frame of reference for what his body putting itself back together at an accelerated rate feels like. He's not watching for it. It doesn't, in the end, really matter what Obi-Wan chooses to do to him. Alec's already chosen to follow him, so here he is.

In fact he only notices when he shifts to look at a noise across the river from them and his side doesn't burn the way he was expecting it to; he glances down even though there's nothing for him to see, covered as they both are by the cape, but it does mean that he is more voluntary in his stillness as the only way he can see to help.

[ihateflying]

He has healed clones before and does know that they respond well to the Force, but he's still painstaking and careful-

and grateful.

When he finishes he's fairly well wiped out, his head hurts faintly and right behind his eyes and he actually curls up close behind Alec and puts his head down so his forehead is pressed against the back of Alec's neck.

"How long do you think we need to wait?"

[kissthatgoodbye]

By the time Obi-Wan has finished, Alec is so focused on being still himself while monitoring their surroundings that the first movement from Obi-Wan himself almost startles him. Almost.

It takes several moments to process what's happening after that but then it's easier to relax and let them both settle anew. He presses down against his side with his elbow, testing what was previously painful and sore, and finds that he wants to say something, but nothing comes.

Nothing but a question, which he has been thinking about to keep his mind off the healing, so he has an answer ready: "We have time for you to rest. They'll either be searching for several more hours so the safest thing would be to stay here, or they'll have orders to move out and we won't be able to catch them now anyway."

They can rest and regroup.

[ihateflying]

"I cannot think of a single good outcome for either of us, in catching up to them." He shivered, fairly hard and actually tucked himself tighter around Alec. "But we do need to find out what is happening out there, as soon as we reasonably can."

He needed to, anyway. "I'll take the time to rest regardless." A pause and then more softly, truly apologetically. "I'm sorry, Alec."

[kissthatgoodbye]

"I just meant -" But it truly doesn't matter what he meant by offering that thought because the outcome is the same. There's nowhere to go. There's no one friendly looking for them, maybe even left alive.

He touches the inside of Obi-Wan's wrist, just two fingertips, and lets him lean against him as hard as he needs.

"For what?"

[ihateflying]

There may be, actually. He can think of one contact he might be able to reach who wouldn't be caught up in this and willing to help them.

He needs to find out what is happening at the Temple, because if there are survivors they need to know to stay away, rather than flock in to help.

The fingers on his wrist result in a slightly more subdued shudder, followed by him steadying. They're grounding, and necessary.

"Because your loyalty to me cost you everything."

[kissthatgoodbye]

The amount of things Alec doesn't know is staggering; his entire life was the Republic and doing whatever he was told to do for it. He has some knowledge, yes, gleaned from missions and from listening, but not nearly enough to function. No one has ever explained anything to him if it didn't directly relate to his place in the worlds, which is not one that demanded information on how to live out in them.

And it still hurts. It aches like his body doesn't anymore, and unlike his body it's getting worse with time, not better. There will be a reckoning with that, he suspects. He is not entirely sure he can survive it. The chips weren't meant to be broken at all, let alone like that; the conditioning, his bonds, were designed never to be betrayed like that.

So he accepts that with a silent space of a moment, then gently taps one finger where it is when he says, "Not everything."

If Obi-Wan had died, if it had all been for nothing, then that is literally exactly what Alec would have. Right now there's not much, but there is that, and he focuses on it as best he can.

[ihateflying]

They have both lost the framework of their lives. The frameworks are different, the conditioning is different, they are different, for more reasons than the details of the insults to their psyches. They are both, however, going to suffer much more when there is time to do so.

"Nearly, then." He actually kisses the back of Alec's neck, because he has no hands free and he's trying not to create a bigger issue with his ... force awareness. It's completely chaste, and casual, though.

"Once we're out of here, I'll contact Senator Organa. We can find out what is happening and what has to be done after we're with him."

[kissthatgoodbye]

It's chaste and casual and brief but if few enough people have ever touched Alec kindly, absolutely no one has ever kissed him - and this is Right over his serial code, too, which he has never seen with his own eyes but is constantly aware of regardless. He blinks slowly, puzzling it out, but lets himself be soothed in silrnce by the fact that nothing happens next, that Obi-Wan is simply accepting him. His answers.

"The one you wanted me to find," Alec replies, memorizing the new plan. He'd already made the decision. He just reiterates it now: "Whatever use I can be, you'll have me. However I can help."

[ihateflying]

"Mhm." It's agreement, given as he begins to drift to very light sleep. It's the last rest either of them will have for quite some time.

When he wakes it's time to leave, and calling what comes after a 'long day' would be disingenuous. It is very, very hard to translate time to days when traveling in space and from planet to planet, but it is most certainly more than a day, and it beyond brutal.

Getting out of the caves and back to the surface to Griveous' ship and off the planet to be picked up by Bail is the easiest of it.

There the need to change the recall beacon being transmitted by the Temple to one of warning. Which involves not only traversing a maze filled with Clones, via both avoidance and killing, but the discovery that Anakin is alive - when playing the security footage of him cutting down children.

Then of course there is the inevitable going after Anakin on Mustafar with intent to kill or die in the trying. There are no words involved for the physical and emotional hell that is. The escape back to Bail's transport with a dying, pregnant woman. The delivery of her twins and her death.

By the time it is over he has had more than one near total breakdown, and ended at a place where most of what he feels has been replaced by a total absence of anything.

Except gratitude. He is profoundly, deeply, grateful for Alec's presence.

Meetings are over, discussions are over, decisions have been made and now the only next is being taken somewhere, delivering Luke to his family and -

And he doesn't know.

After Yoda and Bail have left the room he looks to Alec, stands wearily and says gently, "Come on."

[kissthatgoodbye]

Alec does not complain. He follows Obi-Wan every step of the way - quite literally every step of the way, refusi g to be left behind for any of it be it a suicide mission to Mustafar or a strategy meeting between the Jedi and their benefactor. He doesn't argue, but rather states what he's going to do and then stubbornly, silently does it. It's so much easier to let his identity as a soldier hold him up right now. It'll hurt by the end because he's not anymore, but he knows how to be nothing else and has no energy left to figure out what he should be just now, so he lets himself be Obi-Wan's soldier.

He shadows him through the maze of the temple even though firing upon his brothers makes him feel physically ill; he stands close enough to catch Obi-Wan and steady him when they learn the truth of what happened here, even though it barely touches him; he catches a stunning blow trying to help among the geisers and lava flows of that final battle before remembering who and what he is and that he cannot hold his own between Jedi.

So he stands back and lets them forget about him and then he takes one clear, concise shot. And then he takes four more, and then he's helping with Amidala and he kind of forgets the rest but that's easy.

He's standing stock still and silent guard just behind and to Obi-Wan's right when the meeting breaks up. He nods to each of the other men when they meet his eyes as he watches them withdraw, but he only moves for the last person in the room.

"Gladly," he offers, exhausted and hollow but prompt.

[ihateflying]

He can feel exhaustion radiating off Alec, and that as much as his own is the reason he doesn't even attempt conversation on the trip to the cabin he had been 'assigned' - meaning the first open door he'd seen, with clean clothing for them both - not Jedi, not armor, just clothing - folded on the built in desk, near the computer terminal.

It is also why he doesn't have quite the usual tact and caution in handing one of those stacks of clothing to Alec. "Shower and change." Whether that's better for Alec or not, right now those are the words he has.

[kissthatgoodbye]

Before, Alec had always politely refused clothing unless it became a direct order; he was trained better than that and knew where the boundaries were even independent of the chip. Now he simply takes them and nods.

"You as well," he states just as firmly, but doesn't wait to see or hear what happens then. He just moved to get cleaned up and change out of his armor one last time.

[ihateflying]

He is not going to join Alec in a shower. He is not going to go searching for another one, rather than the one attached to this room. He isn't leaving Alec and he's too tired anyway.

So he waits for Alec to finish, blinks a couple of times at the sight of him in clothing that isn't armor or blacks, and then -

"Five minutes," he promises. "Please wait here."

[kissthatgoodbye]

It doesn't take him long and then he's trying to muster up the wherewithal to decide what to do with himself next. He still has the armor packaged in one hand, blinking around him for some prompt or clue when Obi-Wan says that.

He does not ask where else he'd go. He nods his agreement and moves out of the way.

By the time Obi-Wan is finished, Alec has piled the armor he intended to throw away somewhere out of the way in a corner for later repair, and is instead sitting on the edge of the bed, compact with folded legs and leaned over his lap, but upright. His eyes are closed but the moment he hears footsteps on the floor he opens them again and looks over.

"Are we staying or going?" he asks, already dropping his feet to the floor to stand, already ready to move. If thryre going to move he can do it, he can go, but once they stop he knows they're both going to go down hard.

[ihateflying]

He looks at Alec and -

Is once again incredibly, nearly overwhelmingly, grateful for him, though he has no idea how to express it and knows it wouldn't be appreciated right now, anyway. Maybe he'll have a better idea when he's not so staggeringly tired that he hadn't even bothered to dry his hair enough to stop trails of cooling water tracking down the back of his neck and soaking into the collar of his tunic.

He moves toward Alec and sits down on the edge of the bed as well, and brushed his fingers against Alec's arm. "Staying." For now. For long enough to be able to rest, and think, and plan. "We're staying."

[kissthatgoodbye]

The relief that hits Alec isn't the sharp release of anxiety that it might be for most people, but something duller and passive. He doesn't care where they are, really, or where they're not. He's just glad he doesn't have to dig out the energy to keep putting one foot in front of the other again. For now.

He relaxes back from preparing to stand, then looks down at Obi-Wan's touch, blinking, but nods. He doesn't move away.

"Good." Neither of them is in any shape for another battle or another voyage just now. "It's been a long week."

[ihateflying]

"It's been a long several years."

If nothing else, however direly, this is an end to the War. The War that never mattered at all, but still destroyed Clones, Jedi, bystanders and victims on an individual and planetary scale.

It's imperfect but at least neither one of them is going to be pushed back to the front-lines.

He can feel the relief, dull as it is. It mirrors his own at the moment. He pushes himself back into the bed, back against the wall and on his side. His throat and wrists are still bruised from Anakin's... Anakin, but they aren't bad and he doesn't care. "Come here."

[kissthatgoodbye]

If Alec has bothered to feel anything about Anakin, it's mostly anger; he doesn't have the attachment side of the struggle he'd watchex in Obi-Wan, doesn't have energy left over for remembering when Skywalker was a revered leader of troops. None of that mattered. None of it did.

He doesn't have any empathy or grief left over for anyone who willingly participated in it. He's still keeping his head above water for the clones and for his own treachery.

Obi-Wan moves away from him and he drops his head in acceptance, but at a loss still for what to do next. Then Obi-Wan bids him follow and that - well, that's easy, once he's looked back to confirm he heard right. He's sore from head to to and one side of his body still burns from where he'd been knocked out of the way and half senseless in armor that was never meant to insulate against that kind of heat, but he still pushes himself closer without hesitation.

"I'll stay," he says, remembering the request to wait from earlier, but he still adds on, "If you want."

[ihateflying]

It's okay. He doesn't expect Alec to have any empathy for any of them, including himself. This entire, bloody, horrible, disaster was always just about the Jedi. The clone troops had been truly innocent, used and abused and lost in a war that had nothing to do with them, on any level, but worse wasn't even what it had appeared to be.

It isn't the thing he regrets most right now, but he is aware.

"If you're comfortable staying, I'd like you to stay." That one he's careful with, because he'd like to actually have someone there, feel someone breathing and not... worry about Alec right now.

He sure as hell isn't going to apply pressure with that - or at least will try not to. No matter how exhausted they both are.

[kissthatgoodbye]

"I am," he says simply, and leans back on the pillows. This is, hands down, the nicest bed he's ever touched and it's such a pleasant mundane distraction that he lets himself dwell on it a little.

"The other option is the hallway and I'd just as soon not." He glances over at Obi-Wan to raise an eyebrow, and it's a bit flat just now, he knows. So: "I don't blame you. Anyone who does will have to get around me to do it."

[ihateflying]

He splays a hand across Alec's chest once he's gotten confirmation that Alec wants to be here. The bed is nice - far nicer than the ones even he is used to; battleships and temple quarters weren't exactly the luxury Senator Organa brought into play.

It felt nice.

Having a literal hand on someone's heartbeat as proof of life felt nicer.

"The only person onboard who blames me, or is any threat to me, is me." He appreciates Alec's presence and the... dedication though. A lot.