Hero_With_No_Fear

[ihateflying]

There are precious few decisions that are easy.

When it comes to decisions regarding Anakin, even fewer of them are easy. The decision to never tell Anakin that his 'jokes' about Anakin being the death of him aren't really jokes? As near to easy as they come.

The decision to tell Anakin that Padme is pregnant? More difficult than any decision to date - except perhaps leaving Satine to stay with the Jedi. That he had made that decision - had that experience - may be making the decision harder. He knows what the consequences of this can be, and likely will be, and-

And allowing things to play out would be much more comfortable for him, on a number of levels. It may also well be the right thing to do.

But he has decided, so it's time to act.

He makes time to find Anakin, and says with simple directness but utter seriousness: "We need to speak. In private."

Comments

[ihateflying]

There was a lot wrong with the Jedi, as they stood now. So many things that didn't sit well with him.

Not this, though.

This, he understood.

"The Jedi hold a unique place in the galaxy, Anakin. We belong to no one and answer only to ourselves. That comes with its own set of problems, but it is also why we are called upon and trusted. If we have close ties outside the order, there's the potential for us to be seen as being used to further a personal agenda. Or to actually be used to further a agenda, Force knows we aren't infallible."

[hero_with_no_fear]

Anakin didn't have anything to rebut that, he just knew it in his gut it was wrong. What was the point of being conduits of the Force if they didn't connect with living people? It made them, the Jedi as a whole, care less about individuals in need than about philosophical ideologies that didn't really help people - if they did help people why did slavery and injustice thrive right there in the Republic, in ways the Jedi even supported if it benefited the Core? The Jedi had stopped caring about the right things, Anakin wasn't sure he'd ever seen them do it right in all his time. He'd joined, hoping he would see it, and then stayed hoping his hope would pay off one day.

But this was an argument he knew he couldn't win against Obi-Wan, they had argued about it in so many different ways.

"I'm not leaving." He wouldn't settle for 'being friendly' with Obi-Wan - they were friends. He wasn't going to let that go.

[ihateflying]

That was incredibly frustrating.

Being incredibly frustrated by his incredibly stubborn student was not a new experience.

He sighed, softly, but when he spoke there was some steel in his voice. "Then it is time to remind the Council of just who my Master was."

[hero_with_no_fear]

Anakin had been expecting pushback, that was the way with them. A choreography he was used to. But this felt like acquiescence. Or so it seemed. Anakin wasn't quite sure. It threw him.

"What... what do you mean?"

[ihateflying]

"I mean, Anakin, that all things told the entire Jedi council is probably less stubborn than you are once you've made up your mind, and since I can't make you listen to reason I'm going to have to try to bully and stonewall them into some sort of compromise you'll accept."

That's what he meant. That was exactly what he meant.

Agreement? No.

But this felt an awful lot like trying to keep not just Padme and her children, but Anakin, alive.

[hero_with_no_fear]

"You would talk to the Council... on my side... about this?" Anakin asked cautiously, not yet believing what he was hearing.

[ihateflying]

"I believe I am allowed at least one irrational act of rebellion regarding you per decade or so." He smiled faintly. "I've dug my heels in with them regarding you before, you know."

He actually had no idea if Anakin knew.

[hero_with_no_fear]

"You... have?" even more dubious than his previous question. It was safe to say Anakin did not know what Obi-Wan had done for him back on Naboo.

[ihateflying]

"I have."

He smiled, but it was a sad smile. The memory would be fond - in some ways was, anyway - now, if not for being so inexorably linked to Qui-Gon's death.

"You knew they weren't eager for Qui-Gon to train you. They were less eager for me to do it, given that I wasn't even really a knight. I just didn't give them very much choice. I told them I would train you with or without them."

And he had.

[hero_with_no_fear]

"I didn't know that."

There had been a period when Anakin was first part of the Order when he felt horribly like he didn't belong and wasn't wanted. That apparently was only half true. Someone had wanted him there.

This news made him stop and consider the situation for a while. He was calmer, if still looked like he needed a full day of sleep.

"Do you think they'll listen?"

[ihateflying]

"I think they're going to be... displeased with me for forcing their hand, but I don't think they can afford to lose both of us and I think they know that. It does somewhat depend on what I'm telling them I want."

He paused, very briefly, and rubbed at his eyes. He was tired, too. "WHich means you need to tell me what you want from them. Within reason."

[hero_with_no_fear]

"I want to be with-" He stopped. He needed to know something first. "What do you think is within reason?"

[ihateflying]

"I mean that if you want to make sweeping changes to the Order, rather than have an exception made to the way things done, we'll have a problem. I can't demand they reorganize themselves and rewrite the rules entirely."

So reasonable was 'not that'.

[hero_with_no_fear]

Logically, Anakin followed. But grabbing defeat from the jaws of victory before the Council was his forte, and his instinct was to argue for sweeping change. Go big or why are you bother trying?

He had to fight himself to say, "I want to be with my wife, and I don't want her to die, but I don't want to leave you behind, either."

[ihateflying]

"How much does it matter to you that you maintain a close relationship with the other Jedi?"

Please, please keep working with him Anakin. He knew Anakin was trying but so was he and please.

[hero_with_no_fear]

Anakin deadpanned at Obi-Wan. They could be in sync so well one moment and then thrown off the next. Obi-Wan had more connections with other Jedi than Anakin, seeing as all his age-mates bullied him when he was younger and the older Jedi made it well known he was barely welcomed.

Not to mention, the Council had expelled the one other Jedi - aside from Obi-Wan - Anakin was connected to.

"Do you really not know the answer to that?"

[ihateflying]

The thought that he should tell Anakin about Bruck someday absently floated through his head. It wasn't anything like what Anakin had - and sometimes still did - experience.

Obi-Wan was deeply entwined into the Jedi, in a way that Anakin wasn't, and with the benefit of hindsight he didn't believe Anakin ever could have been.

"I know what your initial answer to that would be. I would still prefer you stop for a moment, consider the implications before making life altering decisions." Just this once.

[hero_with_no_fear]

Anakin tried. "You want me to lie, to the Council?"

Anakin was not subtle. His and Padme's relationship had remained undiscovered mostly due to no one asking him directly 'Anakin, are you married to Senator Amidala?'

[ihateflying]

What?

Yes, they definitely did sometimes fall out of synch.

"NO!" Bad idea, Anakin. Absolutely terrible idea. "I want to make sure that your concern is in being allowed to continue to have...access to me, before I present that to the Council."

[hero_with_no_fear]

"Oh," Anakin said, now understanding.

"Yes, that." Because he didn't care about other Jedi like he cared about Obi-Wan. "My concern is being allowed to continue... uh, us being friends."

[ihateflying]

Friends didn't cover it, but nothing else did, either. Brothers may come close, but only close.

Anakin wasn't the only one who was attached.

The Council was going to hate that.

He didn't much care right now, and he doubted he would in the future, either.

"Then I'll tell the council that you wish to leave, why, and what the conditions to my not following you out are." It was largely empty threat, but he was willing to wager it was not a bluff the Council would be willing to call.

Not right now.

[hero_with_no_fear]

He had told Ahsoka he'd known what it was like to want to leave.

And here he was, walking towards that prospect, and he found the path difficult.

"I don't know what to say."

[ihateflying]

"Anakin...."

He trailed off for a moment. He could not truthfully claim that he knew what to say, either.

Some negotiator.

"I was your Master. I am your friend. As your Master, you leaving the Order is my failure. As your friend, I want you to be happy. Being Jedi hasn't given you that in a very long time. So, for a final time as your Master: Let go of what is hurting you."

[hero_with_no_fear]

He still didn't know what to say.

Waves of relief washed over him as he realized he'd been clinging to the fear that he would be disappointing Obi-Wan if he chose to leave. It was good to know that wouldn't happen.

His mouth twitched. "After we convince the Council, we still have to convince Padme."

[ihateflying]

"Oh, no." He smiled, voice lighter than it had been. He could feel the relief and that, if nothing else, was good. "I will convince the Council. You can convince Padme. She's hardly going to listen to me."

Also, he didn't want to get involved with that, at least not in a meaningful way.

Not unless needed.