Living with two Jedi Masters, it really had only been a matter of time before Ezra hears about the Room of a Thousand Fountains from them. Another piece of the Jedi Temple, here. Of course Ezra was going to make sure he got a chance to explore it. And since this one didn't need special permission to enter...
Ezra's always been a city kid, as much out of necessity as because that's where he was born, but he's always enjoyed climbing and physical challenge. With water roaring just a few feet away, the teen clambers up the side of a cliff, lured by the promise of a spectacular view. He wants to see this place. All of it, if he can. Guided by a sense of just where to place his hands and feet, he pulls himself up and over the last ledge.
Obi-Wan, for all his negative memories of this place, loves it. He loves it for its beauty and for all the peace that seems to have been stepped into the walls and for all the life that exists within it.
He's up there, sitting cross-legged on the ground and, yeah, meditating but in such a way that by the time Ezra makes it over the ledge he expects him and has already roused and smiles a bit.
"I should have thought to tell you to come here. I'm glad you thought of it yourself."
"I wanted to see it," Ezra admits, brushing off the leaves and bits of dirt clinging to him from his climb. "The way you and Master Jinn both talked about it, I wanted to know... If things had happened different from the way they did, I could have been raised here, you know?" He won't ever know what that could have been like, and doesn't regret the childhood he did have, before the Empire, but he still can't help the curiosity that had made him take this chance to look through a small window of what if.
Something in that statement throws him just a bit and he realizes that he knows quite a few things about Ezra, but not how far in Obi-Wan's future he was. "I don't think I'd quite realized that you weren't," he admits. "Where were you raised?"
"Lothal." Clear out in the Outer Rim, on a world almost as backwater as they come, but it's home to Ezra, and he loves it. "I was born the same day as... well, everything that happened." He still doesn't like equating his birthday with the birth of the Empire, but it's also still a fact he can't deny. "So you guys never had a chance to find me."
"But someone did." Which was the important part, really, he supposed, but what absolutely terrible timing. On the other hand he shared a birthday with Luke and Leia and that... is a far better thing to associate one's birthday with. "I know I shouldn't say this, but I'm going to anyway: I'm sorry."
"It's okay." Ezra offers Obi-Wan what he hopes is a reassuring smile. "I mean yeah, part of me wonders what it could have been like, but I don't really regret the life I had either. I had good parents, and Kanan's been a good teacher for me. If... If things do change when one of us goes back, I hope he's still my Master."
"Unless change has gone entirely too far, and likely even then, I'm sure that he will be. Those bonds aren't easily broken, or forgotten." Even in very, very trying circumstances and no clear understanding how that would work without a temple or Order. "What was he like?"
Ezra's not so much worried about them being forgotten as he's worried about them never having a chance to exist in the first place if things change before he's even brought to the Temple in a theoretical future where that might happen, but, well, there's no really predicting what a changed future might hold for him, so he'll just accept Obi-Wan's reassurance in the spirit it's meant.
"At first he tried to be really strict. He didn't really know how to be a Master, and I think it scared him that he'd do it wrong. After we got used to each other, though, he loosened up a bit. He still likes to lecture me, but..." Ezra shrugs with a small, wry grin. "I can't say I don't always deserve. Besides, he can be just as bad as me about being reckless."
That would be taking change far too far. Far far too far? He isn't going to tangle himself up about it, since that is both worrying about the past and the future at the same time and he is trying very hard not to sink too far into either.
...especially here, where it is even harder than it may have been at home.
"That sounds... very familiar," he admits, with a quiet huff of laughter. "Not only does it apply to me, but it very much reminds me of Qui-Gon. Maybe there's something necessary about the entire process?"
"You think so?" Finished with brushing off the dirt from his climb, Ezra carefully lowers himself down to sit on a ledge near Obi-Wan. "Well, you would know more than I would. Or him either. I think he only had a year or so with his Master before..." Before Order 66. Before Kanan's Master died protecting him. Ezra's shoulders bunch up as he recalls those bitter arguments Kanan used to have with Rex about what the clones had done.
But he didn't come up here to dwell on arguments from the past or things that happened before he was even born. Barely. Technically. So he deliberately shrugs his shoulders to try to loosen them up. "Maybe you knew her?" he says, redirecting the conversation before it can follow that trailed off tangent. "He said her name was Depa Billaba."
"I do, though not as officially as I implied. Masters have to grow into their roles, too, and there seemed to be fairly predictable stages." He wasn't going to dwell on it, either, particularly not once that name caught his attention.
He blinked a couple of times and then smiled, and the smile was both slight and bittersweet, but it was a smile. "I did. She was on the Council when I was first knighted, and was still there when I was appointed to the Council. Though I don't remember anyone named Kanan." It wouldn't be the strangest thing but he felt like he should.
"I guess that makes sense." Though Kanan probably still could have benefited from having someone to talk to for advice. And Ezra definitely wouldn't have minded some sympathy from other Padawans going through the same things as him.
(Well, hopefully not exactly the same things. It'd kind of suck if they all had to fight Inquisitors.)
He perks up a little upon hearing that Obi-Wan knew Kanan's Master. Kanan never really talked that much about her, or about his time in the Temple, and Ezra had never really pressed, understanding that those memories probably hurt. That doesn't mean he isn't curious, though. "She must have found Kanan after the last time you saw her, then. Or maybe you didn't know who he was? I could show you what he looks like, if you want. You might recognize him. Maybe. I don't know what he looked like as a kid, only what he looks like grown up." Letting someone see an image in your mind is one of the best features of this place.
The Order had many flaws and failings, but there was strength in having others in similar situations - peers - around. There was also benefit in the feelings both in the force and the way the Temple felt in the Force.
"I'm sure there are possible explanations." Not the last, though, he doesn't think. He isn't going to argue though because again - he doesn't think does not mean that it cannot be, and not knowing who he was is certainly possible. There is an easy answer here, though, and one he's interested in finding. "I'd very much like to see a picture."
"Alright." Ezra nods, then closes his eyes for a moment. It's been a while since he last saw Kanan, so it helps to block out other distractions while he calls up a memory of him.
The image that forms in the connection through the amulets is of a tall man with a wiry figure, brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. His face is bearded, with a burn scar running across the bridge of his nose - a scar that provides a likely explanation for his sightless, milky blue-green eyes.
Abruptly, Ezra's brow furrows. "Wait, no. Let me show you a different memory. That's what he looks like now, not when I met him."
He shifts the image quickly to an older memory, and the beard is gone, replaced with a goatee, and bright teal eyes smile back confidently.
He has mixed feelings about the amulets, still. Not reluctance or concern - they serve their purpose and he's very used to most of the purposes they serve - but there's a sort of wistful frustration about them that he's yet to shake entirely.
For this, though, those feelings are irrelevant. The image of the older man is faintly familiar, enough to make him start to put the image with a name and a younger face, though not easily.
Then it's replaced by the younger and he smiles, slightly. It's equal parts fond and sad. "Caleb. His name was Caleb Dume. He must have changed it with the rise of the Empire. Yes, I knew him. He is the reason I thought to change the homing beacon at the temple to a warning."
Surprise flickers through Ezra - enough to brighten the area briefly before he can bring the feeling back under control. "His name's not Kanan?" Because even though the explanation Obi-Wan offers makes sense, it still seems like something he should have known.
"Why wouldn't he tell me that?"
It's stupid to ask, and he knows it. Obi-Wan's not the one who would have that answer. But Kanan isn't here.
"I imagine in part because he was trying to avoid being found by the Empire and that it was best for who he had been to be presumed dead." That isn't the same as why he changed his name and he knows that.
He suspects, and only suspects but pretty strongly, that what Ezra is asking is more along the lines of 'Why didn't he trust me?' and that's hard because he doesn't really know.
Though.
"There's also an element of identity. He wasn't very old when the Jedi fell but it was... a defining thing for so many of us. Apparently, not long beyond the point I arrived here, I started to use the name Ben and continued to for the rest of my life. Part of that is hiding but knowing what I know of myself it's simply that who I was... no longer existed."
"Oh. I... guess I didn't think of it like that." He looks down at the ground, guilt twinging at his conscience. It's easy, sometimes, not to think about what it must have been like for Kanan to go through what he did. Ezra's really got no personal frame of reference for it. The worst that ever happened to him as a child was having his parents taken away and presumably killed, and while that was horrible and still makes him so angry even to think about...
He really can't say that it's the same thing as having the entire Jedi Order wiped out. All of Kanan's - Caleb's - friends and the only people he would have known as family, his home, his whole way of life - gone.
Because of the Empire. Ezra's fists clench briefly, a shimmer of heat betraying his thoughts.
But still the sheer magnitude of Kanan's loss is more than Ezra has any idea how he'd deal with. Can he really blame Kanan for closing it off? Even to his new family?
The heat continues to warp the air, though it has to twist with his guilt. It's hard to keep both of them down. He reaches down, grabbing a fistful of grass to vent.
"It's not fair, Master Kenobi. None of that should have happened to him. Or you. Or anyone. Why did the Force let things get so unbalanced?"
He isn't trying to pick up what Ezra is feeling, though of course trying isn't really necessary. It's more that he would have to.
The anger wrapped in guilt worries him, a bit, but not unduly. Maybe, given Anakin, it should worry him more. It turns out, though, that maybe exactly because of Vader on Mustafar, he's actually less worried. Ezra is, after all, venting that anger and guilt by grabbing at grass.
"You've never heard Qui-Gon's feelings about fairness?" He sounds amused, though only the littlest bit and it's a gentle kind of humor, not patronizing or mocking. Well, not mocking Ezra, anyway. "I don't know. I suppose in the end light that's too bright is as blinding as the dark."
...He's not being cryptic on purpose, but to him that metaphor makes perfect sense - for both what, and how.
Ezra makes a face. "Do I really need to answer that?" Of course he's heard Qui-Gon's feelings about fairness. It just doesn't feel like that's the way it should be.
But then his expression morphs into a frown, and then an odd, searching look sent Obi-Wan's way. "...you make it sound like the galaxy needs the Dark Side of the Force, too. Like we're... supposed to have people like Vader, and Maul, and the Inquisitors?"
"I'd have a very, very hard time saying that the Universe needs people like Vader, Maul... Palpatine."
Very hard, possibly to the point of being unable to stay it. So many of those people were suffering and had caused so very, very much suffering themselves. It wasn't a thing he could believe, much less verbalize, as a necessity, but-
"Toward the end Yoda suggested that the prophesy regarding Anakin had been misread - and Mace pointed out that Jedi had been pouring Light into the galaxy for thousands of years. I'm entertaining the idea that they may have had a very good point. Not suggesting that people like Vader and the Emperor are needed - or should even exist. Just that perhaps there is a need of... some shadow."
Ezra twists in his place, curiosity pricked by something Obi-Wan had just said. "A prophecy about Anakin?" he echoes, blinking openly. This is the first he's heard about something like that. "What prophecy?" He'd say something about the rest but, well, how can he when it sounds like he's missing something really important here.
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branchandroot
[in person]
Date: 2020-02-19 04:57 pm (UTC)Ezra's always been a city kid, as much out of necessity as because that's where he was born, but he's always enjoyed climbing and physical challenge. With water roaring just a few feet away, the teen clambers up the side of a cliff, lured by the promise of a spectacular view. He wants to see this place. All of it, if he can. Guided by a sense of just where to place his hands and feet, he pulls himself up and over the last ledge.
Only to find that he isn't alone up here.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-02-20 06:19 pm (UTC)Obi-Wan, for all his negative memories of this place, loves it. He loves it for its beauty and for all the peace that seems to have been stepped into the walls and for all the life that exists within it.
He's up there, sitting cross-legged on the ground and, yeah, meditating but in such a way that by the time Ezra makes it over the ledge he expects him and has already roused and smiles a bit.
"I should have thought to tell you to come here. I'm glad you thought of it yourself."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-02-22 10:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-02-22 10:53 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-02-22 11:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-02-22 11:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-02-25 05:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-02-27 04:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-02-29 05:48 pm (UTC)"At first he tried to be really strict. He didn't really know how to be a Master, and I think it scared him that he'd do it wrong. After we got used to each other, though, he loosened up a bit. He still likes to lecture me, but..." Ezra shrugs with a small, wry grin. "I can't say I don't always deserve. Besides, he can be just as bad as me about being reckless."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-02 02:47 am (UTC)...especially here, where it is even harder than it may have been at home.
"That sounds... very familiar," he admits, with a quiet huff of laughter. "Not only does it apply to me, but it very much reminds me of Qui-Gon. Maybe there's something necessary about the entire process?"
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-04 04:59 pm (UTC)But he didn't come up here to dwell on arguments from the past or things that happened before he was even born. Barely. Technically. So he deliberately shrugs his shoulders to try to loosen them up. "Maybe you knew her?" he says, redirecting the conversation before it can follow that trailed off tangent. "He said her name was Depa Billaba."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-06 08:18 pm (UTC)He blinked a couple of times and then smiled, and the smile was both slight and bittersweet, but it was a smile. "I did. She was on the Council when I was first knighted, and was still there when I was appointed to the Council. Though I don't remember anyone named Kanan." It wouldn't be the strangest thing but he felt like he should.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-09 12:52 am (UTC)(Well, hopefully not exactly the same things. It'd kind of suck if they all had to fight Inquisitors.)
He perks up a little upon hearing that Obi-Wan knew Kanan's Master. Kanan never really talked that much about her, or about his time in the Temple, and Ezra had never really pressed, understanding that those memories probably hurt. That doesn't mean he isn't curious, though. "She must have found Kanan after the last time you saw her, then. Or maybe you didn't know who he was? I could show you what he looks like, if you want. You might recognize him. Maybe. I don't know what he looked like as a kid, only what he looks like grown up." Letting someone see an image in your mind is one of the best features of this place.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-12 12:30 am (UTC)"I'm sure there are possible explanations." Not the last, though, he doesn't think. He isn't going to argue though because again - he doesn't think does not mean that it cannot be, and not knowing who he was is certainly possible. There is an easy answer here, though, and one he's interested in finding. "I'd very much like to see a picture."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-12 04:15 pm (UTC)The image that forms in the connection through the amulets is of a tall man with a wiry figure, brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. His face is bearded, with a burn scar running across the bridge of his nose - a scar that provides a likely explanation for his sightless, milky blue-green eyes.
Abruptly, Ezra's brow furrows. "Wait, no. Let me show you a different memory. That's what he looks like now, not when I met him."
He shifts the image quickly to an older memory, and the beard is gone, replaced with a goatee, and bright teal eyes smile back confidently.
There isn't that much difference in age.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-12 04:21 pm (UTC)For this, though, those feelings are irrelevant. The image of the older man is faintly familiar, enough to make him start to put the image with a name and a younger face, though not easily.
Then it's replaced by the younger and he smiles, slightly. It's equal parts fond and sad. "Caleb. His name was Caleb Dume. He must have changed it with the rise of the Empire. Yes, I knew him. He is the reason I thought to change the homing beacon at the temple to a warning."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-16 12:07 am (UTC)"Why wouldn't he tell me that?"
It's stupid to ask, and he knows it. Obi-Wan's not the one who would have that answer. But Kanan isn't here.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-17 11:55 pm (UTC)He suspects, and only suspects but pretty strongly, that what Ezra is asking is more along the lines of 'Why didn't he trust me?' and that's hard because he doesn't really know.
Though.
"There's also an element of identity. He wasn't very old when the Jedi fell but it was... a defining thing for so many of us. Apparently, not long beyond the point I arrived here, I started to use the name Ben and continued to for the rest of my life. Part of that is hiding but knowing what I know of myself it's simply that who I was... no longer existed."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-20 12:25 am (UTC)He really can't say that it's the same thing as having the entire Jedi Order wiped out. All of Kanan's - Caleb's - friends and the only people he would have known as family, his home, his whole way of life - gone.
Because of the Empire. Ezra's fists clench briefly, a shimmer of heat betraying his thoughts.
But still the sheer magnitude of Kanan's loss is more than Ezra has any idea how he'd deal with. Can he really blame Kanan for closing it off? Even to his new family?
The heat continues to warp the air, though it has to twist with his guilt. It's hard to keep both of them down. He reaches down, grabbing a fistful of grass to vent.
"It's not fair, Master Kenobi. None of that should have happened to him. Or you. Or anyone. Why did the Force let things get so unbalanced?"
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-24 05:31 pm (UTC)The anger wrapped in guilt worries him, a bit, but not unduly. Maybe, given Anakin, it should worry him more. It turns out, though, that maybe exactly because of Vader on Mustafar, he's actually less worried. Ezra is, after all, venting that anger and guilt by grabbing at grass.
"You've never heard Qui-Gon's feelings about fairness?" He sounds amused, though only the littlest bit and it's a gentle kind of humor, not patronizing or mocking. Well, not mocking Ezra, anyway. "I don't know. I suppose in the end light that's too bright is as blinding as the dark."
...He's not being cryptic on purpose, but to him that metaphor makes perfect sense - for both what, and how.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-03-30 10:10 pm (UTC)But then his expression morphs into a frown, and then an odd, searching look sent Obi-Wan's way. "...you make it sound like the galaxy needs the Dark Side of the Force, too. Like we're... supposed to have people like Vader, and Maul, and the Inquisitors?"
(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-02 10:52 pm (UTC)Very hard, possibly to the point of being unable to stay it. So many of those people were suffering and had caused so very, very much suffering themselves. It wasn't a thing he could believe, much less verbalize, as a necessity, but-
"Toward the end Yoda suggested that the prophesy regarding Anakin had been misread - and Mace pointed out that Jedi had been pouring Light into the galaxy for thousands of years. I'm entertaining the idea that they may have had a very good point. Not suggesting that people like Vader and the Emperor are needed - or should even exist. Just that perhaps there is a need of... some shadow."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-13 06:41 pm (UTC)